GET INFORMED
Domestic Abuse occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. (is carried out in various forms). This abuse occurs among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship , while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior.
TYPE OF ABUSE
EMOTIONAL - VERBAL - MENTAL
Name calling
Put downs
Threats to suicide
Threats to spread rumours
Blaming the other person
Constant accuse of cheating
PHYSICAL ABUSE
Hitting
Grabbing
Pushing
Shaking
Restraining
Blocking Exits
Throwing Items
Using Weapons
Stalking
SEXUAL ABUSE
Sexual Assault
Ignoring partners sexual choices
ECONOMIC OF FINANCIAL ABUSE
Controlling the finances.
Withholding money or credit cards.
Giving you an allowance.
Making you account for every penny you spend.
Stealing from you or taking your money.
Exploiting your assets for personal gain.
Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter)
Preventing you from working or choosing your own career. Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly.
CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
ABUSE
The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim “who is boss.”
GUILT
After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt , but not over what he’s done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences.
RATIONALIZATION OR EXCUSES
The abuser rationalizes what he’s done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior, anything to shift responsibility from himself.
BEHAVIOR
The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
FANTASY AND PLANNING
The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she’s done wrong and how he’ll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
SET UP
The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.
TACTICS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
INTIMIDATION
Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include: making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display.
The clear message is that if you don’t obey, there will be violent consequences.
DENIAL & BLAME
Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse.
Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.